Larry Murillo-Moncada, presumably born in 1984, was last seen by his parents on November 28th, 2009 in Council Bluffs, Iowa. He had left his parent's house wearing only his blue jeans and a long sleeved shirt, leaving behind his wallet, medication, and any other personal belongings. He was described as 140 pounds, and 6 feet tall, though one source states that he was 5'6" for some reason. Prior to this, Larry had come home after a working a Thanksgiving shift at the supermarket, 'No Frills'. He came home disoriented, his heart was beating fast, was experiencing hallucinations and hearing voices that were telling him to eat sugar He believed that someone was following him. That same day, his mother took him to the doctor where he was prescribed medicine, one source stating anti-depressants to treat anxiety, but he seemed have had an adverse reaction. On the 28th, Larry allegedly got into an argument with his parents, and fled his home. When he did not return the next day, his mother filed a missing person's report.
For years, no-one knew what happened to Larry, and in 2016, the store that he worked at closed down. Ten years after his disappearance, Larry's body was found. There were no signs of trauma, but the context of his death became even more of a mystery. In January of 2019, contractors went to the closed grocery store to remove fittings and tear apart the freezer unit. Between the freezer and a wall, was an 18 inch gap of which Larry's body was found. At the time of discovery, authorities stated that the body had been there for a long period of time. When the body was first found, Sgt. Brandon Danielson stated that Larry was the first person to come to mind. After DNA testing, it was proved that the body was indeed Larry Moncada's.
The question beyond this is...how? How did he fall behind the freezer, and how did nobody notice his body was there? While the space was 18 inches wide, he had fallen 12 feet, and the loud sound of the freezers may have muffled any cries for help. As for why Larry even ended up in the freezer area, it was stated by many of the former employees that used to work there that they would climb on top of the freezers since the space was often used for storage and to pass time. The employees would climb the coolers to hide from customers and take breaks.
An autopsy showed no signs of trauma.
Early in the investigation for Larry, authorities and his parents went to the store looking for him. Both his mother and father had the feeling that the store would reveal some sort of answer, though nothing came to fruition. Even the authorities had asked Moncada's boss where he might have been, to which they stated that they didn't know, and Larry wasn't scheduled to work at that time.
His death is considered accidental, with the case being closed.
Since the news has come out that he was stuck behind the freezers, there have been many people on social media from the area stating that they had been to that exact store. During this time period, there are reports of people having smelled something odd, and even talking to employees about what the possible smell was, though it was usually fanned off.
[Afterword]
While people wonder how Larry was able to get in the store, I personally think that he must have went straight to the store after leaving his parents' house. Despite not having any shoes or keys, some sources state that he left the house around 6 pm. Most stores would have been open during that time. Though, you would think that perhaps he would have been asked about why he wasn't wearing any shoes. I believe it is possible that he went to the store hiding spot to potentially sort out his thoughts, and of course met his fate by accident. Perhaps he slipped because his feet would have been wet from the snow?
Some people wonder what type of medicine that Larry was on. I have not seen any confirmed records as to what type of medicine that he had taken, though I do want to acknowledge that he allegedly had only tried the new medicine for one day before going missing. If the medication was an anti-depressant as they said, I am unsure how one day of medicine could make a person react in such a way. Typically, a medicine needs at least 2-4 weeks to course through one's body before knowing any sort of effects. I do acknowledge though, that when looking at the side effects of Sertaline (a generic version of Zoloft which is also used to treat Anxiety) extreme side effects consist of:
-seizures -abnormal bleeding or bruising -hallucinations, fever sweating, confusion, fast heartbeat, nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea -rash, hives, and swelling and -difficulty breathing.
I am not trying to come off as condescending, but since we don't know what type of medicine he was prescribed, it's tough to gauge whether it could have been the medicine or mental illness. Further, considering the way the story is represented, it seems that Larry was experiencing most of these symptoms before the medication, and not after. What I am most curious about are the voices that he heard in his head. Hearing voices is atypical of anxiety disorder, which makes me believe that if Larry was prescribed an SSRI, and had a different mental illness, then the anxiety medicine may have very well caused him to have his final freak out. A quick google search shows that a person could hear voices for either being schizophrenic or having bipolar disorder.
In the end, we will never truly know what went through Larry Moncada's mind when he left his parent's house that night. Rest in peace.
[Preface:
To those that are not familiar with Black Metal and the community,
this blog post is about one of the most notorious suicides in Black
Metal. This post will have very dark themes, and a picture of gore.
Proceed at your own risk. The names mentioned in this post are all
essentially members of the band Mayhem. Pelle/Dead was the singer.
His other bandmates at the time, which are to be mentioned in this
post include Varg Vikernes, Necrobutcher, Hellhammer, and Euronymous
(who is also now dead).]
Pelle, or Per
Yngve Ohlin, is most notably
known for having been the singer for the band Mayhem. Born on January
16th,
1969, Pelle hailed from Sweden. He had a rough beginning to his life,
with his mother and father divorcing not long after he was born.
Pelle suffered from sleep apnea as a child, and allegedly had wanted
to die from the age of 3.
When
he was ten years old, Pelle suffered from internal bleeding, after
his spleen had ruptured. Allegedly the story was that he had an ice
skating accident, as told in the past by former bandmate
Necrobutcher. But in the book ‘Blod eld dod’ (Blood Fire Death),
Pelle’s brother, Anders, stated that his brother’s spleen
ruptured from a severe beating by bullies. Pelle had been bullied to
the point that he was rushed to the hospital, and was allegedly
clinically dead for some time. It
is stated that after this incident, his fascination with darker
things started to grow.
In
his teen years, Pelle came to like Metal and Rock, with popular bands
such as Black Sabbath, Motorhead, and Venom being among his
favorites. He even called Quorthon, from Bathory, a wimp when he
changed his musical style.
In
1986, he founded the metal band Morbid, and recorded the demo tape
‘December Moon’. Eventually he became disappointed with the path
that the band was going, and decided to join the band Mayhem, since
Maniac had left. Allegedly, Pelle sent the band a package with a demo
tape, a letter with his ideas for the future, and a crucified mouse.
In 1988, Pelle moved to Norway to become the new vocalist for the
band.
Pelle,
also known as ‘Dead’ during this time, became notorious for his
stage presence. He was and still is known for using corpse paint,
covering his face in black and white makeup. Despite there being
other bands having painted their faces before (Kiss, King Diamond,
Alice Cooper), Dead’s goal was to actually look...dead. He
“actually wanted to look like a corpse. He didn’t do it to look
cool.” As stated in an interview with Necrobutcher. Many people
consider him to have been the first Black Metal musician to have used
corpse paint.
Dead
was known for many things, such as his hatred for cats. Pelle
did not like cats, and would apparently keep a spear close by him to
potentially chase any that came by. He
also would bury his clothes in the ground, sometimes for months, “so
that they start to rot and get that grave scent”. At one point, he
had even asked his band mates to bury him in ground, so that his skin
could turn pale.
Dead’s
personality has been described as having been, “Shy, calm,
introverted, depressed, and melancholic”. On many corners of the
internet, it has been known that Dead was distinctly different from
the people around him. He was never the type to talk about anything
personal, and allegedly some people weren’t even sure if he had a
sense of humor. In a 1998
interview with Hellhammer, he stated that as Euronymous and Dead
delved more into the Satanic themes of the band, they became more
reserved. Apparently, they would both say that “Christianity is
evil”, though when asked if what the band was doing was evil, they
wouldn’t respond. Per had
a disdain for technology, even preferring to write letter in
‘longhand style’. Overall, he loved the forests and woodlands,
preferring to spend his time there.
When
the band got together, they rented out a deserted house in the
forest, scaring the local townsfolk. Hellhammer has stated that Dead
would lock himself in his room “and be permanently depressed.”.
Apparently, Dead and Euronymous did not get along well, with the
former not trusting the latter. The
two would fight, with verbal quarrels turning into “bloody
beatings”. On one
occasion, Per went to sleep outside when Euronymous would not stop
playing synth music. When he went outside, Euronymous followed him
with his shotgun, shooting into the air. According
to Varg Vikernes, Dead allegedly stabbed Euronymous once during an
altercation.
Pelle
also had a fascination with keeping animals, such as the one time he
found a dead crow and kept it in a plastic bag. He apparently carried
it around with him and would smell the bird before going onstage.
He’d smell the bird so that he could sing with the smell of death
in his nostrils. Pelle would also collect dead geese, and keep them
under his bed.
Per
believed that his blood has frozen in his veins, and did not eat in
order to become more like a corpse. He had been heard on multiple
occasions saying that he was not human, and did not belong in this
world.
Pelle
also became known to self mutilate when onstage. In 1990, he slashed
his arm with a broken bottle. Apparently he was taken to the
hospital, but since it was too late, there was no point in giving him
stitches. He would also cut
himself in front of his friends, that would later have to patch him
up.
During
this time, Mayhem was gaining traction, especially because of their
image. Euronymous saw Per’s tendencies, and felt that it fit in
with the dark image of the band. According
to the band, Euronymous would encourage Pelle to kill himself.
In
1991, Dead and Euronymous were living in the woods together (even
though Hellhammer is listed as having lived with them sometimes, in
the 1998 interview, he stated that he lived with his grandmother
because he couldn’t take the fighting anymore) at their rehearsal
house. Dead spent most of his time drawing in his room, becoming more
depressed. On April 8th
of that year, Euronymous left Dead alone in the house.
Dead
took a hunting knife and tried to slip his wrists and throat, then
shot himself in the forehead with a shotgun (which I assume to have
been Euronymous’). Dead’s body was later found by Euronymous, who
was locked out and had to climb through an open window. When he came
across the body, he went to the store (which Hellhammer described the
nearest store as at least 20 minutes away) and bought a disposable
camera. Euronymous them photographed Dead’s deceased body, but not
before re-arranging some of the items to pose in the photo. After he
got his shot, he then called the police.
Euronymous
claimed that Dead had committed suicide because Black Metal had
become “too trendy and commercialized”. Hellhammer developed the
photos, with Euronymous promising to destroy them after (which he did
not). Instead, he kept them inside an envelope at his record store,
one of the pictures which, were sent to the owner of Warmaster
Records, who used it as the album art for the notorious ‘Dawn of
the Black Hearts’ album. A bootleg that was initially released in
1995 (the album was re-released in 2017, with a different album
cover).While rumored to have made a stew with Dead's brain, which was not true, Euronymous and Hellhammer did end up creating jewelry out of some of the bone fragments that were left in the room (after police allegedly moved the body out).
The
way Euronymous handled Dead’s suicide ultimately became his
undoing, and caused tension between him and the other people in the
band. The other were disgusted towards his attitude of the situation,
with some speculating that Dead was left alone on purpose.
Necrobutcher speculated that
Euronymous may have potentially taken the pictures and forced the
others to look, as a way of dealing with seeing the dead body;
though, Necrobutcher ended his friendship and left the band after.
Many years later, Necrobutcher stated that even
he
thought about murdering Euronymous before Varg Vikernes ended up
doing so.
Interestingly,
before Per passed away, Varg Vikernes had send him shotgun shells as
a Christmas gift, though the shells he sent were not what Per used to
kill himself. Allegedly, Per had a special shell saved for his
suicide.
Pelle
left a suicide note, that when translated from Swedish reads:
“Excuse
the blood, but I have slit my wrists and neck. It was the intention
that I would die in the woods so that it would take a few days before
I was possibly found. I belong in the woods and have always done so.
No one will understand the reason for this anyway. To give some
semblance of an explanation I'm not a human, this is just a dream and
soon I will wake. It was too cold and the blood kept clotting, plus
my new knife is too dull. If I don't succeed dying to the knife I
will blow all the shit out of my skull. Yet I do not know. I left all
my lyrics by "Let the good times roll"—plus the rest of
the money. Whoever finds it gets the fucking thing. As a last
salutation may I present "Life Eternal". Do whatever you
want with the fucking thing. / Pelle. I didn't come up with this now,
but seventeen years ago”
Dead
was buried in Osterhaninge Kyrkogard, Sweden. He was 22.
-------
I
have heard of this scenario for many years, in fact, it was one of
the first gruesome Metal stories that I read about as a teenager. It
wasn’t until recently that I really thought about the mental
illness aspect about it as an adult. Reading what I have about Per,
and everything that he went through, I thoroughly believe that he had
Cotard’s Delusion. Many
other people have said the same thing too, and his whole demeanor
makes me wonder.
First
of all, I will define Cotard’s Delusion (also known as Cotard’s
Syndrome). In “Modern Synopsis of Comprehensive
Textbook of Psychiatry II (1978)”,
it describes:
“Patients
complain of having lost not only their possessions, status, and
strength, but also their heart, blood, and intestines. The World
beyond them may also be reduced to nothing. Trees, houses, and other
people do not really exist anymore. The syndrome is seen most
frequently in patients suffering from agitated depression, but
occasionally occurs in acute schizophrenic breakdowns and in certain
brain syndromes.
Interestingly,
in a biography of Per (first
source as listed below), it also describes him as being sometimes
schizophrenic, though I do not know if this was meant literally.
In,
“Special Report Towards Understanding Cotard’s
Syndrome: An Overview (2012)”,
it states that Cotard’s Syndrome is typically a symptom of an
underlying disorder, that
can last from weeks to years.
The DSM V lists it as a somatic disorder, which corroborates with
this. There are multiple
psychiatric diseases associated with the disorder, such as depression
(Unipolar and Bipolar), psychotic disorder, and brain injury (among
many more).
Other
than the symptoms stated above, Cotard’s delusion tends to manifest
itself in three stages. The first stage exhibits behavior of
hypochondria, depressive mood, and Cenesthopathy
(feeling ill in areas not otherwise specified). In the first stage,
it is not possible to diagnose the syndrome. The second stage
exhibits behavior of nihilistic delusions, delusions of immortality,
negativism, and anxiety. In the third stage, a person can exhibit
persistent
disturbances in a depressive state; or in the paranoid state they
would exhibit less depressive symptoms. It
should be noted though, that these stages are considered a hypothesis
in the journal.
Though
anecdotal, I have noticed from videos I’ve watched that it seems
that people who have experienced Cotard’s seem have had near death
experiences. In a video by Ask a Mortician
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqvEEqWGCyE),
one of the suffers of the syndrome had a PET Scan that revealed his
brain activity was like that of someone under anesthesia or asleep.
Even
further, this was revealed in the frontal areas of his brain, which
seems to correlate with the journal paper. The paper states that
while neural imaging shows no gross structural changes in a brain
with the syndrome, “It
has also been observed that right frontal damage has commonly
occurred in cases of delusional misidentification (including Cotard’s
syndrome). However, left lesions are also described.”.
While
there is no cure, electroconvulsive therapy along side with
psychotherapy has been reported as a helpful treatment. Even further,
the occurrence of the syndrome is more prevalent in women, especially
with older age, with the average age having been 47. The paper listed
the syndrome as rare in people younger than the age of 25, and
Bipolar Disorder being
something to consider as the underlying cause of why a young person
may experience this syndrome. Finally,
those that suffer with this syndrome are at risk of suicide, and
should be watched to ensure that they do not harm themselves.Even further, it has been proven that Cotard's and Capgras Delusions can co-exist at the same in one person, or even switch off with each other.
Overall,
I,
as with many other people, believe that Per was tormented person that
needed help. What I wonder, is how was his childhood exactly? Unless
stated somewhere in a book, I can’t help but wonder if there was a
lot of childhood trauma for him to feel this way, or if anyone in his
family ever considered him to have been Bipolar. Even back in the
90’s when he was still alive, he never talked about personal
things. I can’t help but wonder why. While I am not old, not yet, I
see that he killed himself at the age of 22, and it just makes me
feel so sad. He was ridiculously young, and was unfortunately
surrounded by terrible people that did not help him at all. I know
that it was a different time back then, and mental health is not as
big as it is now, but with the right support system, not having
someone torment him every day, he could have still been with us
today.
Antonio Rosato was
born on December 26th, 1954 in Naples, Italy. At the age
of four, his family moved to Canada, where he lived in Halifax,
Ottawa, and Toronto. Not much is known of his childhood and early
life. He graduated from Oakwood Collegiate Institute, in Toronto. He
was originally going to go school to become a chiropractor, but
eventually dropped out to pursue the entertainment industry.
Cooking With
Marcello:
Rosato was most
known for having been on Second City TV (SCTV) portraying the
character Marcello in “Cooking With Marcello” and appearing on
the sixth season of Saturday Night Live. Rosato was also in various
movies from 1978-1989, including ‘Nothing Personal’, ‘Hog
Wild’, and ‘Nightstick’. From movies in the 80’s, Tony spent
most of his time in the 90’s in TV. He voiced characters on
‘Pelswick’, ‘RoboCop: The Series’, and most notably, Luigi
from ‘The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3’ and ‘Super Mario
World’. For me, personally I am most familiar with him as having
been Dario Rosso, and Nemesis from Resident Evil 3 (and Under the
Skin).
Yes. The same man
that voiced Luigi was also Nemesis, the monster chasing Jill
Valentine in Raccoon City. It blew my mind when I found this out (I'm guessing they edited his voice to sound more monster like?). Even finding out that the same person who voiced Nemesis voiced Dario Rosso's crazy ass was shocking. Kind of weird that Rosso in game lost his daughter and wife. A little to parallel to real life (Rosato would later be divorced).
Luigi (first lines
at 37 seconds):
Nemesis:
In the early 2000’s,
Rosato’s career seemed to calm down, and eventually he got married
in 2003 to Leah Murray. Unfortunately, less than 2 years after being
married, Rosato ran into legal trouble, as he was charged with
criminally harassing his wife. Despite Rosato marrying his wife on
December 31st of 2003, apparently the harassment from him
started on December 28th of 2003 to where it escalated
through April 21st of 2005.
In May of 2005, he
apparently “frantically called the police” complaining that his
wife and newborn daughter were replaced with imposters. Though an
article from the NY Times states that he went to the police station
to file a missing persons report, since during this time, his wife
had left him. Somewhere during this time, he was arrested and a brain
scan was done, that showed that there was an abnormality. Rosato was
diagnosed (according to the NY Times while he was in the psychiatric
facility after the trial) with ‘Capgras Delusion’, a disorder
where someone thinks that their loved ones have been replaced with
imposters. He was incarcerated for almost 800 days, in jail for two
years while awaiting his trial, though this seems to be due to him
denying his mental illness and refusal to plead insanity.
There was media
scrutiny from this, since he had been the longest person in jail over
a harassment charge in Canada. Eventually the trial started in 2007,
and was ordered to stay at a psychiatric facility until determined
fit to leave. According to a quote from his former wife, she stated
that he still didn’t receive any treatment for a year. In 2009,
Tony was able to get out on probation, and with the help of
psychiatric medicine, his delusions faded. Once out, he started to
get back into entertainment, though this caused the dissolution of
his marriage.
image from find a grave
On January 10th,
2017, Tony Rosato passed away at the age of 62 from a heart attack.
He is buried at the Queen of Heaven Catholic Cemetery in Ontario,
Canada.
James Beck Gordon
was born on July 14th, 1945, in California. He began
playing the drums as a kid, and at the age of 17, he played drums for
the Everly Brothers, as a session drummer, of which he passed up a
scholarship to UCLA to do. Gordon gained a lot of traction, appearing
on many recordings for multiple bands and musicians, having been
recommended as a studio musician by Hal Blaine, a famous studio
musician, who was busy with more work than he knew what to do with.
Blaine stated, “When I didn’t have the time, I recommended Jim.
He was one hell of a drummer. I thought he was one of the real
comers.”. Soon enough, Gordon would be flooded with plenty of
studio work, having 2-3 recording sessions a day, sometimes up to 7
days a week. At the height of his studio musician career, he would
fly from Las Vegas to Los Angeles every day to do a session, then
back to Nevada to play the nightly show at Caesars Palace.
Near the
end of the 60’s Jim Gordon ended up on multiple recordings for big
acts such as ‘Pet Sounds’ by the Beach Boys, “Gene Clark with
the Gosdin Brothers” (Gene Clark), “The Notorious Byrd Brothers”
(the Byrds), and “Classical Gas” by Mason Williams.
Gordon later created
a band, which broke up after one album. In 1969, the music duo
Delaney and Bonnie were getting ready to tour in England when their
drummer Jim Keltner either pulled out of the band, or made the
agreement with Jim Gordon to switch Jim’s studio sessions with
Keltner’s tour, since Jim wanted to go on the tour to be part of
the backing band (I’ve seen different sources that say either
happened). Either way, Jim Gordon got to go on tour with the band,
and Keltner started doing more session drumming, later becoming an
extremely renown session musician.
At the time, the
backing band for Delaney and Bonnie included Eric Clapton, and George
Harrison. The tour was a huge success, with the band being more
popular in England that the U.S., even still, shows were sold out.
While it seemed that the combination would have been everlasting,
most left to join Leon Russel for Joe Cocker’s Mad Dogs and ENGLISHMEN tour. “When they left,“we were the last to know, and it
broke out hearts.” one of the Bramletts said.
Delaney and Bonnie
The tour with Joe
Crocker would include sex, drugs, forgetting lyrics, and sharing lots
of different women. There was heroin, mescaline, MDA, cocaine, and
acid. Jim Keltner, who appeared on the tour, said of it, “Sharing
girls. Screwing every chick in sight. Most were there for that
purpose. The drugs were just as easy to get. I wasn’t a stranger to
them myself. Now I feel like I’m just lucky to have survived them.”
Jim Gordon
participated in many of these drugs, even being able to power through
many of the affects of them, including on stage. Before a show in
Seattle one night, Gordon slipped some acid with Keltner, and later
while playing “Bird on the Wire”, Keltner couldn’t continue.
Gordon allegedly tried to coax Keltner on, but he couldn’t do it,
and left in tears. Apparently, Jim did many drugs during the tour,
virtually doing anything he could.
Gordon stated that,
during this time he felt like he was being watched but it was all in
the background.
It was around this
time that Jim would hear murmurs, but he ignored them.
Instead of
participating in groupies, Jim got into a relationship with fellow
musician, Rita Coolidge. They spent their spare time together, would
joke laugh, until one day he hit her. They were staying at the
Warwick Hotel in New York when he called her into the hall, and left
a black eye. She had a the bruise for the rest of the tour, and from
then on, wanted nothing to do with him. While he would leave books of
poetry and be apologetic, she wouldn’t budge.
Gordon continued on
with more incidents. It was seemingly the start of his paranoia.
After the tour
ended, Jim worked with George Harrison on the album “All Things
Must Pass”, and later joined Eric Clapton to create Derek and The
Dominoes. Gordon and Clapton would later create the hit song “Layla”
with Gordon adding the piano melody. The band also used drugs, heroin
being the one of choice.
After its only tour
in 1972, the group broke up. Even though they stated it had to do
with musical differences, drugs were a factor too. Allegedly, Gordon
wasn’t paid for the song “Layla”, because the producers “said
I would be dead in six months anyway.” Even still, Jim still did
drugs, mainly heroin.
Jim still had plenty
of work, from playing on Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain”, John
Lennon’s “Imagine” album, to touring with the band Traffic for
their album “The
Low Spark of High-Heeled Boys”.
Eventually,
Jim tired of all the drugs and work, and wanted to go home. He had
totaled his ferrari. Word had spread of his drug use, how he hit Rita
Coolidge, and how he even crashed his car. But this didn’t stop him
from finding work, and he was still in extreme demand. Jim still
ended up choosing dates to work with musicians. During this time, he
played on “Rikki Don’t Lose That Number” for Steely Dan,
“Midnight At The
Oasis” for Maria Maldaur, and “L.A.” Reggae” for Johnny
Rivers.
During
this time, Jim also worked with Frank Zappa, and was part of his
“Petite Wazoo” and “Grand Wazoo” bands (10 piece and 20
piece). Jim played on the song “Apostrophe’” with Zappa and
Jack Bruce, of which both latter musicians received writing credit.
When Zappa would
introduce Gordon on stage, he would call him ‘Skippy’, because of
his youthful appearance.
While
there were rumors that he had lost his touch, these songs, among
others the worked on proved the rumors weren’t true.
Eventually
he went back to drugs, doing speedballs. Still, he had work, and even
played with acts that had no participation in drugs. Gordon never
stopped production or did drugs during his studio time.
Jim
was noticeably changing during this time period, becoming more
paranoid, less talkative, and even standing in the corner talking to
himself in between sessions. Gordon told a friend not to give out his
number, since he didn’t want to talk to anyone. He eventually
retreated into isolation more, became self doubtful, and was full
blown paranoid.
One
day, Jim’s wife Renee came home from grocery shopping, having
barely placed the groceries on the floor, when he came up to her with
a menacing glare. He said, “I know what you’re doing.”, though
she had no idea what he was talking about. Gordon then pointed at the
groceries, saying, “The Magic Triangle”. He then accused her of
being responsible for evil spirits in the house. To which she denied,
and then he punched her, cracking several of her ribs. Renee stated
that while she loved him so much, she couldn’t stay with him after
that. She had no idea what had happened to him. Their marriage ended
after 6 months.
When
Jim was completely sober, he heard the voices. They came back, and
were everywhere. There was a family of voices, with faces he could
see in his mind but whose names he did not know. The leader was a man
with a white beard, along with a young blonde woman. Some of the
others were his brother aunt and mother.
Originally
the voices started out friendly, telling him how to do things, and
giving pointers in his life. “How to take care of myself and the house.
How to shop. I was glad for the help. I was getting ready for the
rest of my life. I thought it was pretty strange, but there was
nothing I could do about it. I heard them all the time. They would
tell me if I was doing right or wrong. And I took it in like a fool.
They said I had some kind of responsibility to God and country. I was
the king of the universe, they said. I had to make sacrifices, and I
had to do what they said. That’s when my mother started making me
eat half my food.”
When
Jim would only eat half of his food, he would supplement the other
half with alcohol. He would consume a fifth of scotch or vodka, and
still work.
Eventually
he got into another relationship, this time with a woman named Stacey
Bailey. Jim would tell Bailey about the voices, while also
complaining about how his mother was trying to take over his life.
He’d complain that he would try to please his mother, but it was
never enough for her. One night, Stacey woke up unable to breath. Jim
was choking her. She tried to say whatever she could to get him to
stop, and when on the verge of passing out, he loosened his grip. He
repeated it over and over, and eventually fell back laughing, saying
that it was a joke. Bailey ran to the neighbors, hysterical, while
Gordon begged her to come back. He told her, “I just wanted to see
if you really cared about me”.
While
people heard and knew of his abuse to women, most didn’t say
anything.
Gordon
tried to cut back on drugs and alcohol, but only stayed off of them
for a short amount of time. The voices were getting worse, and he
later went back to drinking to try and quiet the voices.
In
1977, Gordon was in session recording with Johnny Rivers, when he
started to glare at the guitarist, Dean Parks. Jim apparently rose to
his feet, and said, “You’re messing with my time. You’re moving
my hands, I want you to stop it.” Parks told Jim that there was no
way he could be messing with him from across the room, and eventually
they went back to playing. Not long later, Jim tried to get at
another person.
Eventually,
it became known that Gordon was turning into a liability, and
producers didn’t want to hire him anymore. In turn, Jim started
taking lower paying work, such as TV and
commercials.
The
voices got worse, to the point that they would only allow him to eat
one bite of his food. His mother’s voice was the worst in his head,
never relenting. He called his mother, who didn’t know what was
even going on. His mother told him that he needed help, and so he
checked into the Van Nuys Psychiatric Hospital. This would be the
beginning of over 14 times he’d check himself into hospitals, over
the next 6 years.
When
with the doctors, he told them that he heard his mother’s voice,
among others. His mother, Osa, would visit, and he’d tell doctors that
she was the only friend that he had. He was able to get permission to
go home with her on weekends, but the voices would still torment him.
Eventually, Jim checked himself out of the hospital after two months,
against his doctor’s recommendations. Jim agreed to see a doctor
outpatient, but on his September 3rd
appointment, he didn’t show up.
Gordon’s
mother found him at home, unconscious, having attempted suicide. He
stated that the voices didn’t care if he killed himself. He refused
to continue therapy, and reluctantly went back to work. Gordon
went on tour with Jackson Browne in 1978, but ultimately, it didn’t
change things. When he came back from the tour, the industry was
slow, and he found it hard to get work. When he was out of work, he
would drink to drown out the voices, but it didn’t help.
Gordon
got a call to go on tour with Bob Dylan, but the voices made him say
no, which saddened him to have missed the opportunity. Later, he got
a call to do a job in Las Vegas, to which he initially agreed, but
the voices told him to leave, so he did. This was another blow, since
Gordon really wanted to perform.
When
he came back, he was severely depressed, and checked himself into
Valley Presbyterian Hospital. While there, he threatened to kill a
nurse, who he claimed, “Wouldn’t leave me alone.”. Once again
he checked out of the hospital, against the doctor’s orders.
By
the time the 80’s started, Jim Gordon was barely considered a
professional musician anymore. He stopped playing his drums, stopped
bathing at times, and would go days without shaving or changing his
clothes. He checked into a hospital on June 5th
of 1980, but left the next day. When he came to hospital, he had
already consumed two thirds of a bottle of cognac and half a gallon
of wine.
When
he would leave the hospital, he would always go back to Osa, his mom,
despite having the voice in his head of her. At times, he thought
that his mother wanted him to die. He felt that this purpose was
over.
Jim on the far left
On
October 22nd,
1982, Jim checked himself into another hospital. He said that he felt
he was dying of “hate” and that his “world was falling apart.”
Having not seen her son in two years, Osa wrote Jim a letter.
He never opened it. The voices in his head told him not to. Her
letter stated that she thought of him, loved him, and was moving in
with his brother in Seattle in a month.
On
June 1st
of that year, at 9:30 pm, Gordon called his mother. He told her,
“You’re bugging me again. I’m going to kill you.” Osa
denied the accusations, and he hung up. She then called the Medical
Center of North Hollywood and asked if her son had been there. The
nurse told her that Jim was admitted that day, had been drinking, and
when he asked for the antipsychotic drug Thorazine, become agitated
that the doctor wasn’t in; so he left. His mother then called the
police, but they told her that there nothing they could do, and
suggested that she leave the lights on in her house, while also
wishing her luck. His mother called her other son, John, but no-one
was home.
Gordon
called her again, at 11:40 pm, with an essential repeat of the
previous conversation. Afterwards, she decided against calling John,
because it was too late in the night. The next day, she called the
city attorney’s office about a restraining her, but the process was
unsuccessful.
The
next day, Gordon appeared at her apartment.
Jim
hadn’t ever raised a hand to her before, and none of the doctors
ever warned her that he would either.
Neighbors heard screaming, and
called the police.
Law
enforcement went to Jim’s apartment the next morning to inform him
of his mother’s death, to find him face down on the living room
floor sobbing. He wasn't on any drugs when he killed his mother, then
afterwards went to a bar and consumed a large amount of different
types of alcohol after.
Gordon stated that he had no
interest in killing her, but her voice wanted him to do so. “Good
riddance to her” he stated. He
attacked her with a hammer, hitting
her in the head. Then he
stabbed her with a butcher
knife in
the chest three times.Jim’s mother, Osa
Marie Gordon, was 72 years old at the time of her murder.
Recent Picture of him
In
1984, he was sentenced to 16 years to life, and is still
incarcerated. As of 2016, he is serving his sentence at the
California Medical Facility, in Vacaville, CA. He
has been denied parole every time, most recently in 2018, for 3 years.
In March of 2019, there was an administrative review to advance the
his parole hearing date. On April 16th,
and July 16th,
the parole suitabilities were postponed until November 14th,
2019. On November
14th,
2019, Gordon was to have his latest parole hearing, but waived the
right to a hearing for 3 years. His next hearing was postponed, won’t
be until November of 2022.
Osa Marie Gordon is buried in Los Angeles National Cemetery, in California.
